I broke down at work because i was sick and emotional and really wanted to tell someone to just go fuck themself, but couldn't because sometimes you can't just do and say what you want. My dad helped me out and took over painting for me so i could just have a few minutes to just 'be'. A few days before, I got some news that I didn't want or like mind you, and couldn't fully rationalize how i felt about it because i was REALLY sick with the flu and it was Thanksgiving weekend. So I got really upset. fair enough. we all do. And then sometimes we just have to sit back and wait, which doesn't make it any better. Great fun.
Been feeling a little lonely lately, my summer is so busy that my friends stop calling... which sucks especially now, when work is slowing down and i can actually begin to make plans to do things like normal people.
I'm really realizing i'm becoming more and more jaded about the possibility of meeting someone, my love life is in the shitter, and has been for awhile and before that it was good for awhile, but before it ended up being a really BAD decision it was in the shitter and before that I was just fucking stupid. I think its all bollocks and i'm just not good at this whole relationship thing. I have horrible taste in men as i have found. In the last ten years I have had 2 real relationships, one was with a jackass and ended up cheating on me (he was hot, so i guess it was ok to be treated badly-NOT. Was just young and stupid) and the other... well. In a nutshell I thought he was awesome, and that everything was fine until one day he announces he needs space and i'm going home on half a week on the train. Which made things even MORE awesome was after we broke up, he pretty much had a girlfriend right away. I'm not a fucking retard. I knew what was going on. Thanks. My thoughts right around then were "and i was gonna marry you, you asshole". Right now, I have let these things go, and don't let them affect me... until I strung them together into a lovely chain of asshole, because i'm piecing together why shit just doesn't go my way. No wonder I'm a bitter and jaded bitch. HA!
I see friends making babies, creating families, getting married, buying homes/condos, moving in with their significant others... It's great, and I'm really happy for them... but am thinking to myself "what about me?" I don't think I actually want to have children... but maybe that's just right now, maybe not. All I know is that sometimes all this lovey dovey shit makes me wanna puke. Still bitter. still jaded.
One day MY prince will come... hopefully on a fuckin' snowboard ready to rip it up, and not looking for motherfucking barbie.
Random Thoughts...
- it's fall. that means snow is coming
- Thanksgiving. That meal is always awesome
- not working 6 day weeks anymore
- my birthday is around the corner, so let's get drunk.
- if you aren't doing 120kph, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!
- on the same note: Left lane is for PASSING. once you've passed the car you want to, MOVE THE FUCK OVER!!
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